Accepting oneself enables us to live in peace with what is and who we are. Acceptance feels quiet, warm and kind in opposition to the rejection of ourselves and what is which is filled with resistance, anger and depreciation. When we fight against who we are and what is we lose 100% of the time.
In order to accept ourselves, we need to try to welcome who we are and what is. We are a combination of flesh and spirit within a life cycle. We experience life through duality: feeling good or bad, thinking positively or negatively… We perceive the world thanks to a spectrum of interpretations we have learned. We developed a concoction of competencies, skills and habits that allow us to perform at work and at home. We have learned to become who we are in order to live.
We make choices according to beliefs about what brings us pleasure and repels pain. We tend to judge ourselves harshly because sometimes we would love to achieve different outcomes or behave differently. We believe we are the problem. Unfortunately, we do not fully understand that some unconscious learned beliefs and habits influence our actions. Furthermore, we cannot control what is happening outside us.
Accepting oneself is not trying to fix or change ourselves. It is not fighting or arguing against reality or what is. Accepting is letting be of who we are and the perceived situation.
In this article, I want to talk about the things we have an influence on. We sometimes think that our decisions are not perfect. We try to learn new habits but we end up acting the same way as before. We need to understand that it is not our fault if we have difficulties to change those habits and beliefs. It is effortless for our brain to keep a habit loops while creating a new habit or a new belief implies a lot of energy and dedication.
It is important to reflect upon the following concepts to plant the seed of acceptance:
You are doing your best
Whatever chaos may occur at work, you are doing your best. You are using your knowledge, competencies and skills to achieve the goal you have. If you realize that it does not bring you where you want to be. It is maybe time to start an introspective journey or ask for feedback from trusted persons.listening to what the others can teach us about ourselves.
Learning is a slow process
As I wrote earlier, the brain is very effective at keeping us believing the same things and acting the same way. We can refer to the confirmation biaise: Our brain looks at all confirmation information when you believe in something. You will ignore anything that does not fit in your beliefs. Also have a look at the work Growth Mindset by Dr. Dweck. You will understand that believing that you can learn with some efforts enables you to do so. Learning is a slow process combined with making efforts. You can learn a new habit if you are ready to make some efforts until you learned the new habit or belief. There are things easier for you to learn and others are a bit more difficult.
You are unique with and without the failure
Sometimes it is useful to remind ourselves that the things we achieve do not define us. Each one of us is unique. No one like us existed before us and no one like us will after we die. You are making mistakes, great! It means you are trying. Looking at the failure, what can you learn?
You cannot control the exterior world
It is important to understand and remind yourself that there are things out of your control. You cannot change someone, the weather, the market or anything outside of you. You can only influence yourself. You can learn anything with dedication. You can learn to accept what is and be in the present moment by listening to your emotions, thoughts and reactions.
Remind yourself of who you are
Reminding yourself of who you are will help you to ground yourself. You are the observer of your thoughts. You are the energy that moves your body. You are the spirit and the body experiencing the human life. Right now, you are the person reading this blog. You are more than your name, nationality and any labels used to define you. You are you.
Having all those concepts in mind should help you to accept yourself and the present situation even more. It can take a long time to truly experience acceptance but once you achieved once. You can come back to this feeling of peace at almost anytime.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article and I am looking forward to our exchanges.