Ninety percent of the time when we experience conflict at work. It’s because we don’t get the communication right. There are several factors that influence how good or bad we communicate in time of conflict. Let’s explore how communication works. 

The negativity bias

Humans have a tendency to interpret things negatively. It is caused by the negativity bias that all human beings have. This bias was designed to help you prevent bad things from happening. Thousand years ago, it helped our ancestors to anticipate that a bear could kill them. It basically saved their lives to see the world as a dangerous place.

Nowadays, this bias still works even if you are not facing life danger on a daily basis anymore. This negative bias influences our interpretation of messages. You spontaneously think that the person has a bad intention when you are in a tense situation. 

You need to learn that those negative interpretations are not representing reality. Otherwise, you worsen the conflict. You may say something to a colleague and then regret it.

Negative self-talk affects your communication

Communication is not only me talking to you and you talking to me. It is me talking to myself and you talking to yourself. The  way you communicate with yourself has an impact on your emotional state. The more negative you are in your self-talk. The more negativity gets out of your mouth when you communicate. If you do not learn to manage your thoughts. It may get worth and worth over time.   

Mini-conflicts with huge consequences

This lack of inner peaceful communication creates mini-conflicts. They probably seem unimportant most of the time. If they cumulate. Your career may be derailed. Mini-conflicts can reduce your chance to get a promotion, a new opportunity or simply achieve a career goal. 

Your opinion of people influences your communication too

Furthermore, the way you interact with others is mainly influenced by the way you think about them. Pay attention to the way you think about others. Do you picture them as nice or aggressive? The way you react to someone depends on what you think about them. 

We communicate with the idea that we may achieve something together. Communicating clearly with others is important. Otherwise, it is more difficult for both of you to get what you want.  The difficulty is to learn how to communicate in a way that works for you. You need to find a way to express yourself without having the feeling that you are changing who you are.

Learning to communicate peacefully is key 

Learning how to communicate peacefully with yourself and with others is key to a successful, peaceful and happy life. Otherwise, you take the risk of being misunderstood or to misunderstand people. You end up with more problems. You see and communicate about a half empty glass. Not realizing it is also half full.